How My Fear of the Unknown Sabotages Relationships


“Let
go
of
the
need
to
control
the
outcome.
Trust
the
process.
Trust
your
intuition.
Trust
yourself.”
~Unknown

I
was
talking
with
a
friend
one
day
at
work,
and
we
were
discussing
dating
and
the
rejection
that
comes
with
that
and
the
sense
of
failure
and
disappointment.

We
were
talking
about
how
we
struggle
to
even
get
close
to
dating
someone
because
we
get
in
our
own
way,
and
our
thoughts
stop
us
from
moving
forward
because
we’re
scared.
We’re
scared,
so
we
blow
the
situation
up
with
our
inability
to
sit
with
the
uneasiness
of
not
knowing
what
the
other
person’s
intentions
are
and
whether
or
not
this
new
potential
partner
can
be
trusted.


We
second-guess,
we
doubt
their
intentions,
and
we
worry
about
where
the
relationship
may
be
going.
We
assume
and
we
make
stories
up
in
our
heads
and
ask
random
and
abrupt
questions
out
of
nowhere
hoping
to
get
an
answer
to
end
our
anxiety-ridden
suffering.
  

Just
recently
I
was
rejected
by
a
guy
I
wanted
to
know
more
about
because
I
pushed
for
answers
and
for
things
to
move
faster
than
he
may
have
been
ready
for.
I
struggled
to
let
things
evolve
naturally
because
I
feared
the
unknown
and
felt
uncomfortable
with
my
uneasiness.

I’ve
since
begun
dating
again
and
putting
myself
out
there,
but
I
continuously
find
that
I
sabotage
any
potential
relationship
before
it
even
becomes
a
relationship
because
my
thoughts
get
in
the
way.
But
also
because
the
hurt
child
within
myself,
who
feels
scared
when
she
is
vulnerable,
repels
all
that
may
be
good
for
her
to
return
to
what
is
familiar,
the
aloneness.
Because
there,
she
can’t
be
hurt.
However,
through
this
process
I
continue
to
hurt
myself
deeply.

Time
and
time
again
this
has
happened,
and
I
find
it
extremely
frustrating
and
annoying
to
be
stuck
in
this
loop.

Rejection

I
also
find
that
when
I
am
rejected
it’s
like
this
insurmountable
blow
to
my
hurt
inner
child,
and
I
take
the
rejection
personally,
as
though
there
is
something
within
me
that
isn’t
good
enough.
Or
I
feel
as
though
I
have
done
something
wrong
and
that’s
why
they’ve
rejected
me.

It
struggles
to
come
to
me
that
we
simply
are
not
compatible
or
that
it
just
wasn’t
meant
to
be.
The
rejection
runs
all
the
way
to
the
hurt
child
within,
and
I
struggle
to
reconcile
this
within
myself.

Sense
of
Failure

I
then
interpret
this
rejection
as
a
personal
failure
on
my
part,
since
I
wasn’t
calm
and
open
enough
to
allow
things
to
evolve
naturally.
I
feel
bad
about
myself
because
I
failed
to
be
out
of
my
head
and
in
my
heart,
and
I
allowed
my
hurt
inner
child
to
once
again
to
take
over,
consume
my
thoughts,
and
overrule
rational
thought.

It’s
frustrating
for
me
that
I
keep
struggling
to
stay
calm
and
let
things
just
be
in
flow
since
I’ve
been
trying
to
master
for
some
time
now.

Recovery

However,
I
know
that
this
isn’t
what
I
want
to
do
anymore,
and
I
know
that
one
day
I
will
master
this
sense
of
calm
within
the
uneasiness
life
tends
to
bring,
and
I
will
have
the
loving
relationship
I
so
desire.

If
we
recognize
our
patterns
and
work
on
the
underlying
issues,
it’s
just
a
matter
of
time
till
we
see
progress.

I
am
not
scared
to
keep
trying
and
to
keep
putting
myself
out
there.
Even
though
I
was
recently
rejected,
I’m
proud
of
myself
for
taking
a
chance,
stepping
out
from
my
comfort
zone,
and
breaking
down
the
façade
I’ve
built
up
over
the
years.

I’m
also
proud
that
during
my
interactions
with
this
man,
I
was
engaged,
present
with
what
was
occurring
right
in
front
of
me,
and
from
that
I
take
note
that
every
step
forward
is
one
more
step
in
the
right
direction.

I’m
also
trying
to
focus
in
on
the
now
and
to
stop
my
thoughts
from
running
away
from
me.
Yes,
the
man
I
was
hoping
to
develop
a
relationship
with
has
retreated,
but
I
see
that
I
am
okay
and
that
my
world
has
not
fallen
apart
because
one
man
has
rejected
me,
so
I
know
I
will
be
able
to
try
again.

I
focus
on
what
I
have
in
my
life
to
be
grateful
for,
and
I’ve
been
flooding
my
brain
with
positive
affirmations
and
remembering
my
daily
mantra
that
“I
am
deserving.”

I
know
that
I
am
a
smart,
brilliant,
and
amazing
woman
who
has
had
a
phenomenal
journey
of
healing
and
recovery
and
who
is
simply
trying
to
do
her
best
with
this
new
hurdle.
I
continue
to
reiterate
this
message
to
myself,
and
my
level
of
rejection
and
sense
of
failure
continue
to
improve
as
time
goes
on.

I
look
at
how
far
I
have
come
and
the
growth
that
has
occurred
in
the
past
year,
and
I
am
pleased
to
see
that
I
now
have
trust
within
myself,
to
where
I
am
at
least
comfortable
to
put
myself
out
there
in
the
dating
world.

I
will
continue
trying
not
to
force
things
so
relationships
can
naturally
evolve
as
they
will.
I
know
this
will
happen
for
me.
I
just
need
to
keep
trusting
myself
and
keep
showing
up
for
me.

Have
you
ever
felt
scared
and
uneasy
at
the
beginning
of
a
relationship?
What
helps
you
relax,
let
go,
and
let
things
happen?

About

Emma
Junhankit

Emma
was
a
social
worker
who
worked
with
children
in
state
care
and
asylum
seekers
for
eight
years.
She
recently
made
the
decision
to
take
a
leap
of
faith
and
follow
her
instincts,
to
find
her
true
purpose
in
life.
She
has
completed
her
200-hour
yoga
teacher
training
and
is
now
a
certified
yoga
teacher.
Emma
has
relocated
from
Australia
to
island
living,
in
Koh
Samui
Thailand.
She’s
extremely
excited
to
see
where
this
journey
takes
her.
You
can

follow
her
on
Instagram
here.

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