6 Things to Remember When You Think You Don’t Matter

In
a
world
with
billions
of
people,
in
a
culture
that
promotes
being
special
and
making
a
big
mark,
it’s
easy
to
feel
like
you
don’t
matter.

Maybe
you’ve
felt
it
all
your
life—like
you
have
no
purpose,
no
value,
and
nothing
to
contribute
to
anyone
around
you.

Maybe
you
feel
it
off
and
on,
when
you’re
struggling
to
find
love
or
direction
and
think
you
need
to
somehow
prove
your
worth.

Or
maybe
you
know
that
your
life
has
value,
but
every
now
and
then,
when
your
head
hits
your
pillow,
you
wonder
if
in
the
end,
it
will
matter
that
you
lived
at
all.

I
know
what
it’s
like
to
question
your
worth.
I
grew
up
feeling
inferior
and
unsure
of
myself,
and
felt
lost
and
insignificant
for
many
years
after
that.
As
an
insecure
introvert
with
high
anxiety
and
low
self-esteem,
I
simultaneously
wanted
to
belong
and
hoped
to
find
a
way
to
stand
out.
So
I
could
feel
important.
Valuable.
Worth
knowing,
worth
loving,
worth
remembering
when
I’m
gone.

I’m
also
naturally
a
deep
thinker,
which
means
I’ve
often
questioned
my
place
in
the
world
and
the
meaning
of
life
itself.

If
you
can
relate
to
any
of
what
I’ve
wrote,
I
hope
you’ll
find
some
comfort
in
knowing…

1. You
are
not
alone.

We
all
struggle
with
the
question
of
why
we’re
here,
if
we
have
a
purpose,
and
if
our
lives
will
really
matter
in
the
grand
scheme
of
things.
Google
“existential
crisis”
and
you’ll
find
over
4.5
million
results. Search
for
“I
don’t
matter”
and
that
number
shoots
up
to
more
than
100
mil.

On
days
when
you
feel
insignificant
it
might
seem
irrelevant
that
others
do
too.
And
it
is, if
you
only
know,
intellectually, that you’re
not
alone
instead
of
truly
feeling
it.
I
know
from
personal
experience
the
soul-crushing
sense
of
separation
you
feel
when
you
stuff
your
insecurities
down
and
pretend
you’re
fine
when
you’re
not.

So,
open
up.
Tell
someone
what
you’re
feeling.
Write
in
a
blog
post.
And
wait
to
hear
“me
too.”
When
you
feel
the
comfort
of
belonging,
remember that you
provided
that
to
someone
else.
And,
that,
my
friend, is
you
mattering.

2.
Just
because
you
think
you
don’t
matter,
that
doesn’t
mean
it’s
true.

Thoughts
aren’t
facts.
They’re
fleeting, constantly
changing,
and
influenced
by
our
mood,
beliefs,
and
early
programming.

On
days
when
I’m
at
my
lowest,
it’s
often
because
I’m
responding
to
an
accumulation
of
physical
and
emotional
challenges,
sometimes
without
conscious
awareness.

I’m
exhausted
from
insufficient
sleep,
weakened
from
dehydration
or
poor
food
choices,
and/or
emotionally
triggered
by
events
that
hit
me
right
in
my
core
childhood
wounds.
For
example,
maybe
someone
fails
to
respond
to
my
email—for
over
a
week—and
this
reinforces
the
belief
I
formed
when
mistreated
as
a
kid:
that
there’s
something
wrong
with
me,
and
I’m
not
good
enough
and
unlovable.

Add
all
those
things
up,
and
I’m
primed
to
glom
on
to
every
negative
thought
that
floats
through
my
brain
as
if
it
were
true.
But
they’re
not.
They’re
judgments,
assumptions,
conclusions,
and
interpretations,
all
held
in
place
by
the
glue
of
my
current
mood
and
limited
perception.

The
same
is
true
for
you.
You
might
think
you
don’t
matter
today,
and
perhaps
you
did
yesterday,
and
the
many
days
before
that
too.
But that
thought
doesn’t
accurately
reflect
your
reality;
it
merely
represents
your
perspective
in
those
moments. A
perspective
shaped
by
many
things,
some
deep
below
the
surface.

3.
When
other
people
treat
you
like
you
don’t
matter,
it’s
about
them,
not
you.

Speaking
of
core
childhood
wounds,
many
times
when
we
think
we
don’t
matter
it’s
partly
because
other
people
have
treated
us
like
we
don’t—and
possibly
from
the
day
we
were
born.

If
you
were
abused,
neglected,
abandoned,
or
oppressed,
as
a
kid
or
in
an
adult
relationship,
it’s
easy
to
conclude
you
somehow
deserved
it.
But
you
didn’t,
and
you
don’t.
No
one
does.

They
didn’t
treat
you
poorly
because
you
are
you.
They
did
it
because
they
are
them.
They
didn’t
treat
you
like
you
didn’t
matter
because
you
have
no
value.
They
did
it
because
they
were
too
caught
up
in
their
own
pain
and
patterns to
recognize
and
honor
your
intrinsic
worth.

Unfortunately,
the
beliefs
formed
through
abuse
are
insidious
because
they
impact
not
only
our
self-worth
but
our
sense
of
identity.
And
it
can
be
difficult
to
untangle
the
many
intertwined
threads
of
who
we
believe
we
are,
and
why.
But
even
if
you’ve
just
started
on
the
long
road
to
healing,
sometimes
it’s
enough
just
to
recognize you
formed
a negative belief
based
on
how
you
were
treated—and
you
can,
in
time,
let
it
go.

4.
You
don’t
have
to
do
big
things
to
matter.

It’s
easy
to
feel
like
your
life
doesn’t
matter
if
you
aren’t
doing
something
big—if
you’re
not
saving
the
world, or running
an
empire,
or
traveling
the globe with
the hashtagged pics
to
prove
it.

But
meaning
doesn’t
have
to
come
only
from
accomplishments—and
sometimes
the
most
traditionally
successful
people
are
actually
the
most
unfulfilled.
If
you’re
too
busy
to
enjoy
the
money
you’ve
earned,
does
it
really
have
any
value?
If
you
have
more
followers
than
true
friends,
can
you
ever
really
feel
loved?

Big
things
feed
the
ego,
there’s
no
doubt
about
it,
and
yes,
they
make
an
impact. But
when
you
reflect
on
the
people
who’ve
mattered
most
to
you
personally,
is
it
a
CEO
you
visualize?
Or
a
celebrity?
Or
a
medalist?
I’m
guessing
it
might
be
a
teacher,
or
a
grandparent,
or
even
someone
who
entered
your
life
only
briefly
yet
had
a
profound
influence
on
the
path
you
took
simply
because
they
listened
and
truly
cared.

Not
everyone
can
be
someone
everyone
knows,
but
everyone
can
be
someone
who
someone
else
loves.

5.
You’ve
made
a
difference
to
far
more
people
than
you
likely
realize.

Since
we’re
in
the
thick
of
the
holiday
season,
it
seems
appropriate
to
cite
one
of
my
favorite movies, the
classic It’s
a
Wonderful
Life
. Cliché, I
know, but
fitting,
nonetheless.

When
George
Bailey
was
standing on
a
bridge
in
a
whirlwind
of
snow,
with
a
bottle
of
booze
and
a
brain
full
of
regrets,
he
had
no
idea
just
how
many
people
he’d
impacted
over
the
years
through
tiny
acts
of
love
and
kindness.

He
saw
his
life
as
a
montage
of
failures
and
missed
opportunities,
when,
to
others,
he
was
the
light
that
led
them
home
on
a
dark,
scary
night.
And
he
may
never
have
known
it
if
life
hadn’t
provided
a
compelling
reason
for
people
to
rally
around
with
support.

Let’s
face
it,
life
is
often
hard
for
most
of
us.
We’re
all
healing
our
own
wounds,
dealing
with
our
own
day-to-day
struggles,
caught
up
in
a
web
of
our
own
dramas.
And
we
all
have a negativity
bias,
which
means
most
of
us
spend
more
time
scanning
our
environment
for
potential
threats
than
recognizing
and
appreciating our blessings.


You
 are
someone’s
blessing,
and
probably
have
been
many
times
over.
You’ve
said
the
right
thing
at
just
the
right
time,
without
even
realizing
they
needed
to
hear
it.
You’ve
offered
a
smile
when
someone
else
felt
lonely,
without
realizing
you
eased
their
pain.
You’ve been
someone’s
friend,
their
resource,
their
champion,
their
safe
space,
their
inspiration,
and
their
hope.
To
you,
it
was
just
a
text,
but
it
helped
them
hold
it
together.
To
you,
it
was
just
a
hug,
but
it
kept
them
from
falling
apart.

As
someone
once
said (but
I’m
not
sure
who),
“Never
think
you
don’t
have
an
impact.
Your
fingerprints
can’t
be
wiped
away
from
the
little
marks
of
kindness
that
you’ve
left
behind.”

6.
You
matter
to
people
you
haven’t
met
yet
(or
who
weren’t
even
born
yet).

It’s
easy
to
feel
like
you
don’t
matter
if
you
don’t
have
people
in
your
life
who
reflect
your
worth—friends,
family,
a
significant
other;
anyone
who
values
you
and
shows,
through
their
words
and
actions,
that
they want
and need you
in
their
life.

But
just
because
you
don’t
feel
important
to
anyone
right
now,
that
doesn’t
mean
you
never
will.
There
are
people
you’ve
yet
to
meet
whose
life
highlight
reel
will
get
better in
the
middle
or at
the
end
because
that’s
when
you
came
in. There
are
friends
you’ve
yet
to
make who will
feel
they
finally
have
family
because
you’ve
filled
a
hole
no
one
else
could
fill. And
maybe
one
day
a
pair
of
tiny
arms
will squeeze
you
tight and
remind
you
that you
matter
more
to
them
than
anyone
else
ever
could.

The
story
of
your
life
is
only
partially
written,
and
there
are
leading
roles
yet
to
be
cast.
If
your
current
scene
feels
lonely
or
empty,
remember
that
every
great
story
brings
a
protagonist
to
the
lowest
low
before
catapulting
them
to
the
highest
heights.

If
there’s
one
thing
I’ve
learned
over
the
years
of
running
this
site,
it’s
that
beliefs
precede
actions,
which
then
confirm
beliefs.
If
you
believe
you
don’t
matter,
you
likely
won’t
do
anything
that
could
matter,
and
then
you’re
all
the
more
likely
to
feel
unimportant
and
alone.

But
if
you
hold
onto
any
of
what
I
wrote
above,
you’ll
be
far
more
likely
to
do
something
with
your
life—or
even
just
with
your
day—that
could
make
a
difference
for
the
people
around
you.

Maybe
you’ll
offer
someone
an
ear
or
a
hand
or
a
piece
of
your
heart
or
create
something
that
helps
or
heals.

And
in
that
moment
when
you
see
your
impact,
you’ll
realize
what
it
truly
means
to
matter:
to
know
your
value
and
create
a
little
more
love
and
light
in
the
world
by
giving
it
away
as
often
as
you
can.


**After
spending
the
last
decade
devoted
to
this
site,
I
now
want
to
provide
value
in
a
new
way,
so
I’ve
poured
my
heart
and
soul
into
a
screenplay
that
I
believe
you
all
would
love.
It’s
a
story
about
a
man
with
terminal
cancer
who
tries
to
become
famous
in
his
final
months
to
prove
his
life
matters
before
he
dies.
If
you’d
like
to
help
support
this
dream,
and
you
like
the
image
on
the
top
of
this
post,
I
hope
you’ll
consider

grabbing
a
shirt,
mug,
or
water
bottle
here
to
help
me
raise
development
funds.
Thank
you
for
your
support
and
for
being
part
of
the
community!

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